I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
