we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
