Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
