Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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