the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
