since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
