People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
