But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
