please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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