I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
