I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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