I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
