she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
