I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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