i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
