Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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