He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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