Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
