Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
