Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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