She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
