i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
