I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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