So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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