Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
