I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
