your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're a waste of cheezeits
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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