Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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