Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
