Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
