He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
