Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
