I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
