phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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