umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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