We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
