We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
