So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
