Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
