How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
