so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
