Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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