"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
