D3 body, D1 cock
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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