You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
