I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
