you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
