I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
