true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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