Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
