Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
