Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
