Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
