I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
