After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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