Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
