pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
