the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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