we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
