I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
