last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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